i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
