Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
