Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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