on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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