We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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