I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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