You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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