i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
