well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
