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OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
