He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
