Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
