so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
