I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
