Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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