Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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