she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
