I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
