Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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