I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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