dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
