Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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