update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
