I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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