We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
