Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
