imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
