Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
