Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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