This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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