Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need water and some morals
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
