I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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