I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
