I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
