I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
