People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
