remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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