I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
