Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
