i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
