:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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