I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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