is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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