I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
