Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
