I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
