seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
