Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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