i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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