The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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