I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
