so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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