Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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