I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were trust falling into bushes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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