problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
